Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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