Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
