conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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