Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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