He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
