Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
