I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need to align my fucking chakras
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
