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Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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