Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
