getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
