Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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