Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
