Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
