Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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