Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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