No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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