On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
