I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
