Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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