Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
