i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
