ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
