Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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