I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
