Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
