i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
