I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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