You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
