How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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