well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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