I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This girl is more easily done than said...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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