I showed him my bush... on skype.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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