I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
