I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
