Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
