i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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