It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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