I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
they're like a gay fantastic four
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
