Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
