how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
