not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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