I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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