i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
