someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Randomize
