You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
