In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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