you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
