Sponge bath it is.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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