I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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