It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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