Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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