We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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