The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
