Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
