My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
