Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
