You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
