I'm so fucking centered right now
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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