News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All the doctor said was why
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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