i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
accomplished twins. life is a go
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
