Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
