my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
