Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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