Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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