Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Wipe that smile off your face.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.