dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
