Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.

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  (207): using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code. http://tfl.nu/hjm4
  Replies (26) Good night (4414) Bad night (1040)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?

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  (614): youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right? http://tfl.nu/3ekq
  Replies (19) Good night (773) Bad night (1826)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.

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  (215): i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies. http://tfl.nu/atqm
  Replies (8) Good night (1792) Bad night (1124)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.

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  (602): She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section. http://tfl.nu/g47a
  Replies (44) Good night (2164) Bad night (6167)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.

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  (403): we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now. http://tfl.nu/goi4
  Replies (16) Good night (5818) Bad night (1055)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster

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  (412): Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster http://tfl.nu/uote
  Replies (5) Good night (1863) Bad night (721)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.

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  (540): i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis. http://tfl.nu/pg6e
  Replies (10) Good night (701) Bad night (1263)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B

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  (646): Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B http://tfl.nu/w0hg
  Replies (12) Good night (3016) Bad night (890)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face

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  (773): No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face http://tfl.nu/5tso
  Replies (4) Good night (653) Bad night (1620)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs

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  (970): Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs http://tfl.nu/ag8n
  Replies (6) Good night (866) Bad night (508)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer

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  (865): At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer http://tfl.nu/lzgu
  Replies (7) Good night (1751) Bad night (581)
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  (916): View more from California

  You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."

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  (916): You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths." http://tfl.nu/4apx
  Replies (6) Good night (984) Bad night (469)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.

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  (314): Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night. http://tfl.nu/wauu
  Replies (5) Good night (564) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.

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  (541): Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears. http://tfl.nu/9wf5
  Replies (1) Good night (778) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.

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  (860): Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's. http://tfl.nu/hm4e
  Replies (0) Good night (421) Bad night (221)

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