I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.