Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
