"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
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i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals