I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.