Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.

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  (404): If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs. http://tfl.nu/yiw2
  Replies (12) Good night (1277) Bad night (5051)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.

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  (513): I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle. http://tfl.nu/7tfd
  Replies (15) Good night (4108) Bad night (935)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...

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  (435): Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters... http://tfl.nu/orhj
  Replies (1) Good night (1068) Bad night (2743)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.

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  (443): I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face. http://tfl.nu/jlmy
  Replies (6) Good night (3834) Bad night (1042)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

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  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (8310) Bad night (1251)
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  (925): View more from California

  I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it

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  (925): I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it http://tfl.nu/75u1
  Replies (7) Good night (1258) Bad night (1653)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"

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  (732): Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??" http://tfl.nu/dlt9
  Replies (7) Good night (1139) Bad night (653)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!

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  (214): COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!! http://tfl.nu/kzi1
  Replies (5) Good night (1223) Bad night (837)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.

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  (207): It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective. http://tfl.nu/0c9h
  Replies (6) Good night (2008) Bad night (555)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him

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  (843): Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him http://tfl.nu/dncw
  Replies (4) Good night (1193) Bad night (539)
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  (315): View more from New York

  This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID

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  (315): This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID http://tfl.nu/jlhh
  Replies (4) Good night (1171) Bad night (590)
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  (760): View more from California

  I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.

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  (760): I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally. http://tfl.nu/7t3l
  Replies (6) Good night (655) Bad night (432)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.

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  (210): just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened. http://tfl.nu/ruvq
  Replies (1) Good night (690) Bad night (280)
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  (310): View more from California

  God, please protect all woman from micro-penises

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  (310): God, please protect all woman from micro-penises http://tfl.nu/0dxx
  Replies (2) Good night (531) Bad night (280)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.

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  (715): As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there. http://tfl.nu/dhkq
  Replies (2) Good night (453) Bad night (156)

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