okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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