K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!