Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
