Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
