I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
