And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
