yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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