he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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