One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
