dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
