i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
