We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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