So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
