Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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