so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize