She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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