Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
