one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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