We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
