I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
