Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
