am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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