I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
