tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
