i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
